The five phases of a performer’s career (as seen by their friends)

1) “Sure you can stay with us a few days until you find another place- here’s some cash to hold you over for until you do. Don’t worry about paying me back unless you hit it big!”
2) “Your act is great, wish you all the luck in the world!”
3) “I called you 4 or 5 times but whoever answers your phone just says you appreciate my call and will get back to me as soon as you can.”
4) “I saw your interview in Rolling Stone where you said all your friends attitudes towards you have changed. How would you know when you haven’t spoken to me in 5 years?”
5) “Sorry you can only stay with us a few days until you find another place- we barely have room for ourselves. By the way, remember that money I lent you? I could really use it back right now…”

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